Opposite Sex Friends

Before we get into the opposite sex friendship, I want to define a healthy relationship. There are three qualities that make for a healthy friendship: positivity, consistency, and vulnerability. This is for any friendship, including same sex friendship. If your friendship is missing one of these qualifiers, then you might not be as close as you think you are. Or if your friendship is going through a rough patch, it is believed that one of those qualities is missing. We already have some of the best examples of successful opposite sex relationships with no sexual undertones. Think mother and son, father and daughter. And there can be a very close bond between brother and sister. So, love and support without having romance is obviously possible between opposite sex.

I do want to address something about opposite sex friendship. A lady friend of mine discussed this very subject with me just a couple of weeks ago. We spoke of how hurtful it can be to lose an opposite sex friend. We talked about how I believe losing one, can hurt worse than a romantic relationship.

I’ve had a woman as my best friend since the age of five. I have gone through a few opposite sex friendships. They can be a challenge at times. It can offer you a very rewarding and unique relationship. But it can also be very devastating when they end. I believe sometimes when we are in a romantic relationship, and we’ve been broken, we tend to put up a guard around our heart. We decide to not be vulnerable to the person we love, by holding back intimate details or from sharing certain hurts that have occurred to us. By not sharing as much of our soul, we prevent ourselves from being hurt as bad in our romance. Or so we think. I’m certain many men are guilty of this.

But with a true friend, we may lay it all out on the line. All the intimate details about ourselves. Our hopes, our dreams. All the little embarrassing things that actually hurt our feelings. Our friends get it all. So if and when that friendship ends, it literally cost us a piece of our soul. Because no matter the gender, our requirements for friendship aren’t much different than when we seek out a romantic partner. We want some type of chemistry. It could be we share same hobbies, sense of humor or just a geek like us. Someone we can click with, with very little effort. I would say the biggest advantage of a man having a female best friend is in the way we are able to communicate. Women in my opinion are usually much better communicators because they are more intune with their feelings and emotions. They can offer much more understanding and empathy. Plus, you can always bring your lady friend to any event you need to attend and no one thinks anything of it being strange. A bonus!

So, can a man and a woman really have a friendship attraction devoid of lust? Well, science suggests it does exist. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found bonds between men and women are changing, with both men and women in cross-sex friendships more often seeing each other as friends or confidants rather than romantic interests. To make it even more interesting the participants who reported no physical or sexual attraction to their friend were in significantly longer friendships compared to those who felt an attraction. The findings suggest types of bonds other than romantic connections can and do occur in friendships between males and females. So there it is. Or is it? Now of course there are those who look upon a man and woman together and say there’s simply no way they are not engaging in sex. If you’ve ever had a close friendship with the opposite sex and went out together, I’m sure you’ve been asked or even accused of sleeping with your friend. So can there be any truth to the suspicions?

Having an opposite sex friendship can be riddled with problems. The reality that sexual attraction could suddenly enter the equation of a opposite sex friendship uninvited is always lurking in the background. It has been said that the male-female parts can get in the way. Whether unwelcome or not, the attraction can be difficult to ignore. Some, very well will cross the line and give into temptations. Others however will have a truly platonic connection. Society may not be entirely ready for friendships between men and women that have no sexual subtext. When you are close friends of the opposite sex, you will be often barraged with nudging, winking and skepticism. The most common phrase I would hear was “Are you two really just friends? Come on, you can tell me the truth, I won’t judge you.” Then as we develop serious romantic relationships or get married, making and maintaining opposite sex friendships becomes harder. Even the most secure people in a strong marriage probably don’t want a spouse to be establishing a new friendship, especially with someone who’s very attractive.

I will leave this on a positive note. There are benefits to an opposite sex friendship where both genders are rewarded. In a recent study, men rated opposite sex friendships as being much higher in overall quality, enjoyment and nurturance than their same-sex friendships. What they reported liking most was talking and relating to women—something they can’t do with their buddies. Same study shows women agree, they rated their opposite sex friendship on a higher overall quality also. What they reported liking most was the protective, familial and casual warmth they received. And that their friendships with men are lighter, more fun, and that men aren’t as sensitive about things. Studies have shown that opposite sex friendships are emotional rewarding for both.

We live in a suspicious and unforgiving world. One that judges on basis of envy. Just because two people get along great and have a fantastic time together, does not indicate sexual relationship. It is up to us to determine who we allow into our circle and who our friends are. The greatest gift of Life can be friendship. A true friend is someone who knows everything about you including your failures and flaws and still loves you. True friends care for each other, understand each other, stay forever! There is a saying that the word friends identifies it’s very definition. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. – Fight for you. Respect you. Include you. Encourage you. Need you. Deserve you. Stands by you. As always, I stand with you. I bleed with you. Together we can pursue a brighter day with happiness in our life. Because Together we are unstoppable, my love! Blessings and positive energy to you all, Always and forever!