Moving on with No Closure, is my topic on this week’s “Bleeding Heart Chronicles”. Good morning, love. I hear this all the time. “We broke up but they won’t talk to me. If they would just talk to me, explain what happened, then I could move on. I just want some closure.” I totally get it. Closure is something everyone would like to have. We would all like a little validation and understanding. We know the relationship has changed. We can accept that special someone has decided they want something else or someone new. We accept they don’t want to be with us anymore. What we have a hard time accepting is that person’s inability to communicate effectively that it is over and tell us what went wrong.
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I‘m sorry to say it like this. But people who won’t give you closure or ignore you when you try to contact them are emotionally challenged. Welcome to the Face Book generation. Most people are not honest with themselves, so how can they ever be honest with you? These people may also need closure but they prefer hiding it and pretending they don’t. They would rather just push you, and their feelings, away. And some will do it just to punish you. As humans we navigate this world through story structures. This is why it’s important to us to get closure. Closure is knowing the reason our relationship is over. Having closure, we can re-structure our past in a healthy way, by understanding what went wrong and reconfiguring our story. In turn, now that we have our past sorted, we can now move ahead with a healthy future. But humans aren’t perfect. And this isn’t fairytale land. Very few people ever get the closure they desire. And this is why the world has gotten worse when it comes to relationships. So many unresolved issues and broken people. Closure?? You’re on your own!!…. Well….. You have me!!
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So, let’s give you some type of closure. I know you more then likely had envisioned your true love. How they would be and the life you would live. Then you met the person you thought fit that dream. But now it’s over and they won’t give you closure. First, Stop reaching out if there is no response. Now, ask yourself this, Did this true love have this personality trait to treat you the way you just got treated? No? Then reconcile the fact you imagined your partner to be someone he/she is not!! And now you need to forgive yourself for trusting someone who has hurt you. And realize this person was NOT the one!! Do not take all the blame. This is as much their fault as it is yours. Avoid too much thinking over a long period of time. I always recommend writing that person a letter expressing all your hurts and situations they put you through. Just don’t mail the letter. It is a way of getting things off your chest but can also serve as a reminder of the awful things you also put up with simply because you believed they were the one. I’ve done this myself. Reread letters I didn’t send. They were not written at time of break up but as the relationship was still going on. You’d be surprised of how many times you actually wasn’t happy with the person yet stayed anyway. Don’t jump into another relationship. A lot of people give this advice. That’s just reckless and will cause more pain for you and the new person down the road.
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Give yourself some space. We all lose ourselves in a relationship. Now is the time to find yourself. Start back doing fun activities you’ve been neglecting to do. Reconnect with old friends. Know you deserve to be respected and treated better. Obviously to get no closure, they didn’t respect you as you deserved. This is unacceptable. Forgive even if there are no apologies. Yes I know. That is a hard one. But you can not let anger or depression consume you. Realize, they were there to teach you a lesson….Nothing more. You learned it, now let’s move on. Lastly, give yourself a goal that is challenging yet reachable. Pursue this goal. Now you’re changing your story and building a new one that is better.
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When selfish and insecure people will not give you closure, it’s up to you to give yourself permission to move on. You are the master of this story, not them. Close that door, and realize that door was leading you….NOWHERE!! The person that needs forgiveness is you. Forgive yourself for staying as long as you did with that person. You are worth more then to allow yourself to be with such a person. As the saying goes, “You can not continue dancing with the devil, and wondering why you are still in HELL!!!” We must grow in the light of a new day. Push beyond the guilt, doubt, fear, shame, insecurity and energy draining past you may carry with you. I stand with you. I feel pain with you. I bleed with you. And Together, we will rise above undeserving mates and create our own closure. We will pursue our happiness and balance in our life. Because Together we are unstoppable, my love! WE will master closure! Always and forever!
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˜Bleeding Heart Chronicles˜ ©
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Lord Freakzilla is a passionate and resourceful creative writer, experienced in studies of human behavior and psychology. His articles for “Bleeding Heart Chronicles “ is fueled by his compassion for the broken hearted. He also brings to the table his gothic poetry style for “Dark Rose Poems” series.
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